NEW DECADES

numbers dictate pretty much every movement we make.
action.
direction.
whether we like it. or not.

and it is okay.

as long as you're still inhaling.
still existing.
still a memory in someone else's memory bank.
still scratching a surface on someone else's page.
friction versus friction.
as long as you're still exhaling.

to dictate and be dictated.
the numbers will always surround you.
and encompass you.
until time is up.

choose your own fucking adventure.

p.s. happy tenth birthday gryswtr. and may there be many more tens to come.

axe-oh-ex.

all hopes and promises are just temporal makeovers.
with water, they flow away.
wash away.
drain away.
there may be traces of stains.
but stains are not nice to look at.
not worth remembering.

instead.

they remind you of how ugly you really are.

hopes and promises are just ugly truths to cover up ugly moments.
to make ugly moments beautiful and lead on to more hopes and dreams.

dreams.
...
what dreams?

gryswtr is getting old.
getting older is not a problem.
it's healing old wounds and facing new ones that is.

unstitch thyself.

not being able to sleep is one thing.
having your heart racing at a million miles an hour is another.
45 minute naps at every interval with bizarre dreams can be really tiring.
all i could ever think of was sedatives and a syringe to go through my heart.

now that i'm awake...
i just want all of this to go away.
give me back my life.

listen to the truth spitting in your face.

xox

: mother planted strawberry stems in a vase outside my house and instead of pouring water, she poured milk. very odd, yes. :

in the past, dreams have been about crazy people doing ridiculous things. people that i do not want to remember or be remembered by. stop invading my dreams, you fuckers! i have other things to think about!

listen to the news and believe naught.

xox

: found myself in the 'LOST' jungle and being part of the others. had to unfreeze benjamin linus and was on a mission to find a stack of math test papers. once that was done, i had to solve a few equations. :

in the past, dreams have been about people from work.

listen to shakespeare's sister.

i say i say i say,

ME SINGULAR. YOU PLURAL.
ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS.
i my ME mine...

this is not a grammar lesson.
this is a declaration.
a self-explanatory one.

no explanations needed. no in-depth analysis.
no autopsy required.
and batteries will and shall and can never be included.

excuse me.

xox

last nite :
: i passed my highway code. the results were printed on a board at the entrance of the driving school. apparently i did well and got an A. the score was 116 over 186. and after calculation, that's only 62% which isn't an A. after that, the other participants and myself went to sit on a huge rock on a cliff to contemplate.

well there was more to that dream like kissing and incest, but i'm not going to talk about it. some stuff are just not meant to be recorded, ya know? they probably are locked in my brain but i do not need further reminding. and neither do your prying eyes.

some stuff a while back:

:brought dgn's family to the woods. went swimming in the stream with her dad. followed by riding horses in a meadow with yellow flowers. no, not sunflowers. :

:impromptu visits from two close friends. it was confusing and who should i attend to first, attend to more? too many decisions to be made. :

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dreams from friends:
01. from ylp (06012009)
i dreamt of you last night, i don't know why. and in the dream i had to take you home to hartamas at night and i didn't know how to go back to my own home after that.

02. from dgn (19122008)
last night i dreamt that s.a and you and me were having ben & jerry's and we were very quiet until you said i can't take this anymore and you told me you needed a smoke and i said i'd come along. s.a. followed us and eventually said who needs you when i have the sisters and m.s. you then said go away.

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listen to the pains of being pure at heart.