--->

the moment eyes were shut, all senses were taken over. numbing of the legs and body. my soul released. standing on top of me. hovering over me. laughing at me. my teeth being pulled out. my body trapped in a cloud. outlines of black shadows. my hands, my fingers numb. i released everything. it felt good.

<---



rm17 for a minute of happiness.

: went to brisbane to visit karl smith. it was a strange journey to his place via taxi and bus. he lived in a hotel room, door 18 and we hung out most of the time smoking cigarettes, watching tv. there wasn't much to do in brisbane apparently. so i went to the beach and there i met my mum and we bought ice cream. and i bumped into estella and she was carrying her 2nd child. she married a japanese man and she couldn't talk much as she was in a rush to go somewhere. :

listen to noxagt.

ward 402

: had the strongest dosage of sampoerna ever. a stick equivalent to twenty sticks. so fuckin powerful. some friends were there. and unknown neighbours. :

trippin' on lack of sleep and worry.

i'm not as strong as before.

thought it was friday yesterday.
and wednesday today.
such is the life of the gypsy.
i'm also coughing like a mad bastard.
it doesn't help.

: satu - was dressed up in an off white/beige/tan dress and a white veil. and held a bouquet. was about to grace the floors when someone pulled me away and said there was no groom and that i wasn't getting married. : i woke up with a weird sensation over me and i heard myself say "i'm prepared. take me now. but before i go, let me say my thank yous. " upon which i was dropped into slumber again. :

: dua - threw away some old packs of food which n.c. later made a fuss that i shouldn't have and she took them out from the rubbish bin and started devouring them. :

: tiga - lying down on a friend's bed when my body was jolted up. instantly looked in the mirror and there were huge red bumps on my face. was it the food i asked? because she had them too. before we could figure out the cause, i saw two huge spiders on the back of neck and i freaked out and told her to take them away. :

jitters down my spine.


it's ok to listen to radiohead every few years.

17:57au time

: part one - drove a slick silver porsche. sped through traffic like as if i was rushing for some traditional festival dinner. and i crashed into no cars. it was pleasant and exhilirating at the same time. part two - went up old blocks of flats. felt like i've been there before. molds on walls and the lights weren't working. went up the steps. not sure who lived there. but there were two lovely kittens. one grey, the other black. the grey one was friendlier."

soon i will leave this beautiful dreaded city.
i will miss you.
and i will leave this time, with a proper goodbye.

no turning back. i stick to my vows.

fuck you melbourne.
it's alright to be alone.
but i never wanted to be lonely.

14:41 hrs au time

some dreams.

: jp's name was changed to charity. i was interviewed by some zine to talk about wrestling. tw's house had a fishtank in every room. saw a serpent swimming in a pond nearby and it slid out and onto the rocks and chased a crocodile. :

my shoes need new 'souls'.

17:22hrs au time

"Dear Nadia,

I hear it's the week of your birthday! Did you know that every year around your birthday the Sun returns to the exact position in the sky as it was the day you were born? This is called a Solar Return."

like i care...


so 2 greetings from a career and astrology website. (separate of course) a card from my best friend and lots of hugs from my family. it's good to be remembered. funnily enough i tend to have a 'funeral' of my own but i just attended a real one a couple of hours ago at tobin brothers in north melbourne. vladimir joseph casha you will be sadly missed. my most sincere condolences to the family.

xox