: i ran away from him because he said something silly. perhaps i was sensitive and overreacted. but perhaps he shouldn't have said it in the first place. and i ran so fast. in that strange park. and almost fell off a cliff. he almost caught up with me. it was cold and i was shivering, trembling, my heart racing. surrounded by moss, weeds and emptiness. and i managed to get out of that maze. and stumbled my way up a double decker bus. he never found me but he sent me a text message. an apology. :


dreams are constantly shattered over and over.
how often do i glue back the pieces?
soon these pieces will crumble and fade.
and these dreams are no more.
believe in nothing and achieve nothing.


i don't know.
i don't know what to know.
oh hello kind stranger. please hold my hand and lift me up.

: part I. walked through the woods with a highschool classmate avoiding dinosaurs and such. part II. attended school and was also involved in a play where i played some old woman with a paperbag over my head. part III. met unnecessary people outside a club and listened to a street performer on his harmonica-type thing and made fun of spanish whores who were running down the hill from an abandoned house. :

eat vitamins and listen to pyramids.

the drugs are working. and at the same time they're not.
what supposedly makes you better, kills you.
and what kills you makes you live even more.
you dig?

been consuming way too much blue cap and while it elates me for a couple of minutes, seconds, the adrenaline cycles backwards. no rush during. sensations before and after. it's not that fun anymore. experiencing the same numbness. the feeling of your teeth falling out, soul floating out. and it's not like i havent a choice not to do it but it's been almost routine and i needed someone to slap me in the head.


thanks to thejealouspunk for waking me up.
for providing my greatest fix.

now that i've acquired the necessary tools for my existence,

it's back to the slaughterhouse.


kill! kill! kill!

past dreams

: mckenny had a cats and dogs delivery service. :

: was about to see i, robot perform in sinagpore but it didn’t happen. :

: an uncle was buying fabric to sew his own duvets and doonas. :

: ed was getting married. and i accompanied him to get gifts for his future wife. They included different sorts of coloured rings. the colours matched the different events associated with him and his wife. :

: stuck in a town in dustbowl america. witnessed fornication between two teenage friends. the mayor mentioned that it was difficult to survive on 1.90$ a day. witnessed the beheading of chickens and dog marrows being sliced open. :

: designed locust tshirts with jp. they included a lot of arrows around the neckline and geometrical shapes. :

tell me what i should listen to.

: met d.nair after rehearsal. then went to an ancient bookstore which had every genre available and we hung out at the theology section. the bookstore was dark and gloomy with very steep steps but that didn't really matter much to me. :

previously:

: (1) stood in a pond. water was chest high while i was trying to catch weird looking species of fish. (2) dad grew bamboo shoots in our backyard. and some nice looking juicy tomatoes. :

hello new readers. welcome to gryswtr.
in order to leave me a note, please navigate to your left.
and click on the word 'contact'. ta.

addendum (december 2010) : you know how to contact me.

dreams about moving. and dreams about families other than my own. and dreams about the same people in different forms, figures and shadows.

i don't like what i've been dreaming.
it's not very nice.

listen to cat stevens.

--->

the moment eyes were shut, all senses were taken over. numbing of the legs and body. my soul released. standing on top of me. hovering over me. laughing at me. my teeth being pulled out. my body trapped in a cloud. outlines of black shadows. my hands, my fingers numb. i released everything. it felt good.

<---



rm17 for a minute of happiness.