sometime last week :
: the world was divided into trekkies and star wars characters and you couldn't be in both worlds. on my way to register my 'passport', i went to the auditorium to watch a black and white documentary on blur (the band).  initially i was in the front row and then shifted to the middle row to sit in between politicians' wives who had really big hair. maybe they were wigs. anyway, after the doco, a riot broke out and i met a classmate from high school and he was a trekkie and he saw me off to my apartment and when i said "see ya!", he replied with "long live and prosper".

last night :
: went to a strange art show that was in a huge mall and there were many different themed rooms. one of the rooms had a wardrobe with clothes i had as a child. but really, i never did have such dresses. went to the second floor where i got stuck in a cooking show and i had to help the chef wash up many different sized bowls and wipe them with odd shaped dishrags. a fire then broke out and i ran to the parking lot and the security guard made a lot of fuss cos my driver had double parked. then i was transported to a room where i saw myself sleeping and when i woke up, i could only see with one eye cos the other eye shrank. :

listen to rem.

them nightmares are a-haunting me.

(i) : did not like the crowd i was with and ran on the open road. there was no traffic and i picked up the pace and day turned to night and the streetlights went off and i came to a dead end. had to turn back around and jumped into a block of apartments and hid under the stairs for a while and jumped back out again. :

(ii) : in a supposedly new mall and checked out the department store until closing time. and suddenly everyone turned into zombies. in a flash, i was on the sidewalk and was gonna share a cab with a chinese lady but then decided against it. :

(iii) : mother instructed me to bake some cookies and insisted on castor sugar for the mixture but there wasn't any. a second look at the recipe and i had to include chicken bones too. so operation : cookie bake was abandoned and the guests arrived and i couldn't be fucked. :

listen to the shaggs. (ok i kid. please don't.)

: gave a bowl of milk to a white stray cat with a decapitated body. it then morphed into a seven year old girl who claimed my husband to be her boyfriend. then went for a short daytrip across the causeway. returned and stopped by the most expensive shabby furniture shop that sold plastic laundry baskets ranging from twenty to thirty dollars. :

what is there to listen to these days.
you wanna share?

this is/was not a dream.
not a tangent from the subconscious.
just a little thought hanging from a fine thread...
falling...descending....into...nothing.

it has reached the climax.
where one is able to contain any further.
and what other outlet do i have?
but the enemy.
be with the enemy to run from the enemy.
but of course.

a certain course of fate has made me question constantly
about our way of communication.
and what we achieve from it.
our form of success and content.

this is what we have been reduced to.
these fine minute irrelevancies which are deemed relevant.
and if we submit.
we are in the club.
we belong.
we are in 'the loop'.

making a big deal out of nothing, am i now?
but at least it does not kill me if i am not updated.

see observe.
hear listen.
touch feel.
taste savour.
smell.

invalids. that is what you are.

p.s. me singular you plural. remember?

---

listen to chefs with bad accents.

: we had dinner at substation which had turned into a gourmet restaurant. initially opted for a la carte but then mother said the buffet selection was not too bad. vegetarian buffet. weird salads. interesting dips. fake bacon biscuits with peanut butter and caramel sauce. and a whole lot of cheese. was then brought to a supposed buddhist temple. had to make some weird offering to a god by blowing off the salt off a date onto a strange poster stuck on wooden board with shelves. then you had to keep splashing salt onto an altar which supposedly would ward off evil. :

the world turns in marvellous ways and brings strange tidings.
they twirl and twine around you.
do you allow yourself to struggle?
do you know what it is like to breathe?

i hate my computer and i want to die.

addendum: i don't feel like dying anymore but i still hate my computer. but not as much as i did earlier. and i hate its recent psychological and physical effects on me. and that affects me in ways more than one. i have started to pay more attention to my notebook and giving it more notice. however, i have not been bold enough to make the first move. typical me. unless i'm at the edge of a cliff and someone says tick tock.

my dreams are not as vivid except for the time where i was taught how to make french toast using peanut butter and salt.

"...looking forward to living forever..."

: last day of high school before finals. had to watch a performance in the school hall. some girl tripped over the stage, spinning around in her sari and no one gave a damn. was annoyed with some kid from another class who kept bothering me. a lift home from a classmate and discovered that bothering kid was my neighbour. overly anxious with finals because i had not been studying physics nor chemistry. met another classmate in the bus and we talked about midgets. i said that midgets were just like us and they did 'normal' things and they had'normal' feelings and he said his dad was a midget. some other kid told him that his mom was then 'scare white' and he got an absolute beating for that. too much blood in the bus. then i ran home to watch spiderman. :

then i woke up.

listen to paul dempsey.