what a nightmare!

: students invaded my house and brought a backlog of long-forgotten essays which meant i had more marking to do and they refused to leave. some even invited their friends over to watch tv and raid my fridge. then i had to hang out with people from my past who bore no meaning nor relevance to my life. such  peskiness. then a small, little, calico kitten came inside and went to the kitchen and i gave him a bowl of milk. :

it is the holidays!!!
no more classes, no more books... well, not for a couple of weeks anyway.

ta ra!

xox

down under

there is this particular dream that's been bugging me all week. why is it bugging me? because i can't remember for the life of me what the name of the silly  band is! all i know is they're supposed to be from perth. (from the late 90s.) it's not freud's pillow nor red jezebel. and i was thinking team jedi but it's not team jedi nor turnstyle but i swear they looked familiar. anyways....

: it was in some warehouse / big open space venue. and i was sitting on top of large box. "unknown" band played first. followed by le tigre. (yes, i knowww le tigre ain't from australia but in MY dream they were.) kathleen hanna was talking to me at some point but i wasn't really paying attention. and the third band was adam said galore and i shouted at them to play 'the shampoo song'. and they did. what on earth? it was a very fun gig and i enjoyed myself tremendously. yay. :

there have been loads of other vivid dreams but they are not worth remembering so i am not going to document them. as of late, the dreams have been in colour. it's been a while since they've been in monotones.

ra ra ra.
the long awaited weekend is here!

listen to swing kids. 

xox

: (i) was trying on a pair of  beige/cream slip-ons. they were just a bit too big for me and i decided not to buy them. saw another pair of similar coloured shoes that i knew would fit me perfectly but they were rather expensive. i did tell myself i would return some day for that pair. :

: (ii) at a hairdressing salon and i told the stylist to chop off my locks. the fringe was very spock-ish. the back was quite uneven. and when i looked into the mirror, she held my hair tightly and snipped off in one cut. :

: (iii) went from one jewellery shop to another trying to sell off stuff that once meant the world to me. but they said it was not possible but if i wanted, they could look after it. like a bank. :

there are holes in the walls.
cracks on the floor.
scratches and scrapes and bruises galore.

how a monument was adorned.
is adorned no more.

crumbles and pieces
shatter and pour.

washed up against the surface.

scars, wounds and  remnants
of an unforeseen war.

they remain. and remain. right to the core.

xox

: went to new zealand and had to chaperone three fifteen-year old boys who only talked about automobiles and one of them had three legs. :

: went to rome with miss y. and we traipsed around the cobbled streets, in and out every single second-hand bookstore. there was one that sold really beautiful postcards and i was interested in a huge leather-bound book that documented the different types of postcards throughout the years. it was off my budget though. i think it was 65euro but in the dream, it converted as 300singapore dollars. i looked across the street and it was Japan. and there i saw my beloved younger sister and her husband dancing with people dressed up as neko cats. tried to get a picture but i failed. :

we are walking on shaky grounds, you and i.

i will walk across steadily, without fear, to greener pastures.
my journey will hurt but the pain is only temporal.

are you going to do the same?

or are you just going to falter, like a flower that will only survive when watered...

xox

a merry un-birthday

dearest gryswtr,

here's wishing you a very happy 8th birthday!
and may there be lots more to come!
may the dreams come a'rollin
and the hallucinations come a'kickin.
and may everything else climb and collapse
in never ending absurdity.

xox

when familiarity breeds contempt

once upon a moment, digits and letters held meaning in a heart. but a two headed king called time made meaning better and worse and constantly altered it. meaning constantly weighed on scales to find its balance. the digits and letters clutched to whatever memory that remained and painted facades over and over again so that the heart would not be empty. for an empty heart was pointless and had no reason to survive anymore. time would test and conquer and defeat uncontrollably. however, a masked heart will one day reveal itself and the digits and letters will crumble victoriously buried in the moment. the heart will thus be empty but there are stains to remind it of what remained before. heart will consult the mind and the mind will give never ending solutions and options.

a damaged heart is not a dead heart.
it is only wounded to be revived and resuscitated.
for new digits. for new letters.

a resurrection will be held ceremoniously.
but only on time's terms and conditions.

will the heart ever dare to place another signature?

maybe and maybe not.

xox

all housed up

some days ago :

: i had an option of three houses. in no order, there was an apartment in prahran, melbourne australia and while it was convenient, i felt that i'd be far away from my family. then there was a really huge house with big colourful rooms but everything was hidden behind closets and secret pathways...it was like living in a pop-up card. finally, a decent house but couldn't step in because it already belonged to someone else. :

last nite :

: 1. a travelling cult who just arrived in malaysia got my number and wanted me to come over. my family and i were ready to call the authorities but before i could get the exact location of where they were, the phone line cut us off. the lady who called was dressed in white and i somehow imagined her floating above a lily pad in the middle of a lake in the middle of nowhere.

2. new house. the basement was where it was at! the sprites loved it and it was their playroom and then he moved in and it became his room. but the sprites continued playing there in the day. there were five televisions but only one remote. *switch* same scene but i had to entertain visitors from abroad and infidelity almost took place but i did not feel guilty at all.  :

woke up staring at the wall...mouthing out these words...
"where is the faith?"
we all hope and we all care and we want difference.

there will be difference.
but only if you want to.

i need to.

xox