a silent war

the hardest one to fight
is the one with yourself

when you try so hard to pretend
and to ignore
like as if nothing is there

when the beast in you is tugging at the chains
roaring and screaming in your head
relentlessly

again and again
you tranquilize this beast
a temporary death

only for it to awaken
when you least expect it
and back to square one

struggle
with all the forces in you
it will never die, no it will not

but you will be stronger
you will be tamer
you will be more humble.

(edited february 18 twentyfourteen.)

fortune

in countless ways

do we count our blessings 

these daily struggles we inhale

these neverending battles

a conscious that fluctuates

a constant tug-of-war 

making memories 

and to deliberately forget

again and again 

over and over 

count your blessings 

in countless ways we do. 

the long road

we may think that time was wasted

and we could've done other things 

achieved more 

but instead 

that 'wasted time' was to put us back into place, to straighten us up 

a greater wake-up call than usual 

something that could never be purchased, be replaced

so invaluable was that moment 

the beauty of the unknown 

the beauty of realization 

a different song

it is difficult

to distinguish the difference

when you blind yourself 

to diamonds that don't glitter 

to crystals that don't shine 

when you fail

to recognize that the true

gem 

is so simple. 

so basic. 

a matter of trust. 

a matter of faith. 

matters that matter. 

delayed future

it is upsetting to see

what you think is current

and in trend

is what others have employed

more than 2 decades ago

or perhaps even

have been their entire lifestyle

so quick you are

to duplicate

and impart not only into your lives

but onto others

a concealed force-feed

clone

of clones

you go about mechanically

in routine

this regular irregularity

you are so proud of

yet 

so quick to judge

whine complain 

the second something catches you off guard 

be blind no more

we beg of you

burn no bridges

embrace willingly

says the idealist comfortably, concealed safely

without moving an inch. 

a lifetime subscription

of artifice

and deceit 

promising chronic dementia 

and added bonus of derision

a lifelong guarantee 

in your shoebox of a paradise

last last night:

: one. i was back at the 2nd house in my old room clearing all my books. separating the ones i needed most at the moment and SAA helped me to shift these books to his study. he had prepared a separate table just for me. helped to rearrange them in order. :

: two. attended the wedding of a friend at cantonment road. we thought we were late for the event but much was still happening. at a big field it was with large tents and canopies. met my parents who were seated at a round table not too far away. they left after a while in that old grey car which still looked new. and as we were about to leave i saw a band playing *his* song and as the saying goes "You can run but you can never hide."