: black. white. brown. and traces of red all over. pornographic shower scenes. faces. faces. faces everywhere. cut to where i blindly accept a cigarette. and we're running away. and one of the kids was slowly transforming into a cop. run. run. run. you can run but you can never hide. constantly *their* voices "it's all about choice" zaps in and out. in and out. non stop. while i try not to drown. in that diamond sea. :

---
there might be something wrong with myself.
-->
disorder : rating
paranoid: very high
schizoid: very high
schizotypal: very high
antisocial: high
borderline: very high
histrionic: moderate
narcissistic: very high
avoidant: moderate
dependent: high
obsessive-compulsive: high
<--
url of the test: here
url for more info: here

thank you dewi.
---

sound : devotchka

long distance relationships + the one am radio = not good.

: whirlwind between injections and people from college annoying me thinking they can recognize songs by new order and sitting for exams and stuff. :

too early for sounds. but the one in my head is of tristeza.
and i might just slip the 10"...just about...now!

: was hanging out with a friend from perth; b.c. and he was strangely trying to escape from someone's apartment by climbing over the fence and i was looking out for him. and the house that we lived in (on the other side of the road) was in a weird flat-like building. and instead of door numbers, our address was determined by our bed numbers. kinda like in a hospital. kinda like in an asylum. next.

woodstock festival in korea and checking out their cigarettes. and i was supposed to see this goth band in some wooden hut but i wasn't bothered in waiting for them to show up. next.

missing link! (in melbourne, australia of course.) their capacity had somehow doubled or tripled. and they changed the entire layout. and had too many records. they also had all sorts of stationery but most importantly, record mailers which are definitely very handy. i can't remember what records i got. mostly under constellation, some cd samplers and a video of sodastream. and all the staff were singing "love is in the air." :

a couple of nights ago:
: i was strangled by the devil. :
woke up with an asthma attack. typical.

* between 1630-1800 hrs today,
: my mixtape club was made into a tv show. :
woke up shouting and lulu's paws in my hair.

sound : bright eyes / squadcar 96 7"

: lots of people wanting to invade my room. and my father sending me off to art school that was in a prison. :

i need new books. recommendations please.

this morning i listened to the song of zarathustra 10". it was wonderful.

* happy earth-birth-earth day dearest nadra. *

i wanna scoop out my eyeballs. especially the left one. it hurts really bad. and it is all due to "emotional unstability"*. is that* a valid phrase? you should know what i mean, anyway.

: (in no chronological order) analyzing 80's madonna videoclips. one of which was called heartbeat. and debating how unconventional she was because despite the pop art, she used royal pain fonts. taking group photos outside a war museum-library. drawings of mohawks on the walls. and there were statues of sid and nancy on the rooftops. free confectionery given out at uni. and i opted for the floppy disks that were blue with printed white stars. foodcourt scene: thai beef noodles and had a terrible time getting a drink. most of the drink stalls were closed and there was one that sold soya bean and marijuana. another one had soyabean and sprite and some weird orange drink. then the vendors were arguing that the price was 2.50$ and not 2.40$. yes, i was confused. more stuff but i can't remember. :

sounds today have been : the jam session , bright calm blue, hey mercedes and a mix tape featuring australian bands (of various genres).

: i bought the 'journal of journals' book for 14$. second hand, hard cover and it was about 1000 pages and i had to pay for it at the cafeteria. then i argued with the chef regarding how to cook pasta and then someone said my book was really worth it. and that at other shops it would have probaby been two hundred$ or so. whatever. :

and on the previous night,
: i was staying at an army barracks. and i was helping the soldiers to write suicide notes. on enlarged m&m packets. i also stole lots of envelopes from a nearby stationery shop. :

my stereo is back. and in wonderful condition.
back to mix tape making action.

sound : le shok 7"s

ML1-7-2 : you are a horrible computer. you make my screens flicker and disappear. you eat my emails. and your server is horribly slow.
i hate you. die die die die die die.

mixtape titled: 'bender bending rodriguez' has been rocking my socks.
impressive bands on said tape: vermont, million dead (who would believe it's ex-kneejerk!), amalgamation and acabah rot.
i love acabah rot. thank you, a.d.m. you rule like no other.

last friday i watched i am sam. good sountrack. ok story.
sean penn did a great job. and that's about it.
rating: 6/10

still reading fante. education priorities are getting in the way.

and the dreams have been about people that do strange things and going on holiday with *him* and all that jazz that don't really need much to be said.

too many records piled up at home.
oh, turntable, when will you grace the lovely floors of home...i miss you.

: an 'underground' gig held in an auditorium promoting d.i.y and anarchy and when i entered, the entrance fee was like 14$ and i was going "d.i.y up your bloody arse!!!" and landed in a terrible argument with the person selling the zines too and finally they let me in for 1/2 the price (or perhaps free, i can't remember.) and i sat on one of the benches. whilst waiting for the band to set up, i walked around the room and came across a shelf with 80s big hair/metal cassette tapes along with manga figurines. finally the band was set up and more people rushed in and then i was suddenly next to ed harris.

he drove me to france. it was extremely cold and very windy. he brought me to a cemetery which sort of looked like the stone henge and when we got there, there was a little party going on. the cemetery was divided into a few sections. like north side or east side and there were other fancy names as well. and there were these posh characters (like the ones in gosford park) sipping tea in the cafes and as we sat down, we were served by clowns. depressed clowns.:

tuesday night:
: i was trapped in a laboratory with a mad scientist who claimed he was an astronaut and he was concoting a drink that would allow us to travel in time. :

sound = the man i fell in love with lp

: [from saturday night] doing laundry for no reason at all. and i met the girls who collected pencil cases. they appear now and then. when i least expect it. they're kinda like the girls from nightmare on elm's street. the ones in white dresses and singing eerie-ly. maybe it's an omen. :

: [from last night] i slept on the tummy of a huge blue polar bear while normal bears rolled downhill. kinda like being in a disney film. then i was at a futuristic cinema and we could view certain scenes by touching the film posters. the posters were framed in glass cases and the scenes would suddenly appear. very back to the future II-esque. where the jaws shark suddenly emerged out of nowhere. :

realized the post made below was a bit harsh. i was tired. i was annoyed. my most humble apologies to any singaporeans who ever felt offended. you're not strange. you're just different. and of course places need not change. but i am not taking back those words on over population. no.

sound = mogwai '4 satin' cdep

*...why am i not a machine?...*

wouldn't that be great? or perhaps 1/2 great...so these soles wouldn't be so sore. and with all the thoughts running through my head walking from one end to another, i could just print it out instead of trying to recall by bashing myself against the wall. well, i could write it down but all i have to write on is a hello kitty notebook. that doesn't make me look cool. i am tired of waiting for some kid to appear with my records so i thought i might go somewhere to relax. i find an internet cafe. (aren't i pathetic.)

so anyway! i have been in singapore for about 6 hours and i wanna go home. yeah. the people here are strange. (i mean, not that people elsewhere are not strange but people in general are strange but...)it's just strange that i used to live here 10 years ago and just seeing the same shops in the same place urks me out. like, aren't places supposed to progress or something?! and have the population suddenly tripled overnight?i keep having to squeeze through and repeatedly mouth excuse me or sorry. it's not like i am a very big person or anything. back to the strange people...well they just are. apart from that, the city has many interesting shops and the weather is nice and grey which makes that a change. yay.

i return home tomorrow. kuala lumpur may not be paradise but at least i can breathe a little.

: i texted lina and she said she's at the usual coffeeshop and i go to meet her. just that the usual coffeeshop doesn't look usual. it's very flashy with blue lighting and yellow umbrella shades. i sit down turn around. and there's this alley where families are having their photos taken. and the thing is they pose with guns and after the photo is done, they shoot each other.i'm not sure if there was too much blood or anything.:

i have listened to mates of state, slint, the party of helicopters, the cache and the rondelles.

take care everyone. xxx.

: for 3 nights in a row, it's been about hospitals. i can't get into details. it is too weird and nothing beats the language of the dream world. :

this arvo:
: was offered a job at a 2nd hand bookstore. the owner was gonna sell the place but decided not to when i agreed. they had everything on rebel inc classic. there were also stacks of books by shel silverstein and some really old school poetry books that were going for 800$. mad. there were a couple of policemen who were lurking around that looked really suspicious. i got myself some heartshaped bookmarks and just as i was going to the counter, the owner (a big auburn haired lady) told me to follow her and we went downstairs to where it was a posh french restaurant. she was about to give me training on accounts but then she showed me the chef's recipe book and it was really interesting the way he wrote his recipes. there were separate columns for different ingredients. i was mostly looking at the pizza recipes. it was raining very heavily and big auburn haired lady was afraid of getting her hair wet as she had to take the tram. :

: other incidents but they don't make sense. :

gosford park is a bad movie.
love in the time of cholera is dreamy.
my holidays so far have been about:
sleep, mom and the party of helicopters.

xox