it has almost reached a mark of a decade.
still, i do not get it.
how is one able to strip their self completely to the world?
without fear, without paranoia.
it is quite amazing.

how is one able to live a dream either?
because to me,
living a dream is by not waking up.


p.s those two paragraphs up there are not meant to be related.
just reminding you, in case you didn't know already.

xox

there has been a huge miscarriage.
a public display of hope and expectation that has been unfulfilled tremendously.
why the need to find such cheap audience?
why the need to let others pry into our lives callously?
always a conversation piece.
always on the prowl.
because tragedy is what they hunger for.
and perhaps you need it. but not i.

go ahead. exhibit your art of writing.

i admit defeat and failure.
time will show you when i surrender.

then we will discuss disappointment.

"aight?"

xox

: part one - murray asked me if i could give him notes on primary 5 english comprehension. i figured he had a new student for tutoring. he went inside his rented room and when my sister and i followed him, one of the tenants told us he was in a bad mood and he shouted, "get out! get out!". a few minutes later he knocked on my door and apologised. he had morphed into karl smith. there was a carnival downstairs. vans and hippies and folk music.

part two - attended a home show. 2 sisters playing some weird electronic piano that was v-shaped and they sat at different ends. one playing rhythm, the other bass. can't remember what their brother was doing. everyone was seated on white wooden chairs and suddenly a huge 2-D monster appeared and this other lady made time freeze. one person from the audience revealed himself as another monster and him and that lady got into battle mode and of course the lady won. and things went back to normal like nothing ever happened.

part three - the arts house in singapore was just like the one in melbourne. went upstairs to check out the roooms and it looked fully occupied. as i was leaving, i bumped into an old college friend. he and his family were running away from home and looking for a place to stay. i suggested a service apartment but they reckon it's too pricy. and then i suggested sam's bed and breakfast. their uncle came along and said he'll make a phonecall to some hotel near tiffany primary school. i honestly doubt that school exists. :

last week, i went to my parents' house for 3 nights and there were very vivid dreams. i stopped sleeping next to a notebook a long time ago and perhaps, i should again.

xox

while 2009 didn't start off too bad, in the dreamworld it has.

there have been dreams of pregnancy.
of people i do not ever want to meet ever again.
of being in strange situations with different members of the family.
--> being forced to fork out a ridiculous amount of money in an even more ridiculous time frame.
having to teach students in weird uniforms.
my cat and i suffered the same illness and we shared medication. (?!)
and more.

i seriously doubt these mean anything.

but let those dreams keep on coming.

listen to the cranberries.