the fingers on my right hand are constantly searching for a surface to tap on. and my right thigh cannot stop jerking up and down. my body shivers in cold sweat. nobody is complaining about the weather. it's just me. it's only me. and i walk up and down. and i sit at the corner of the sofa and stare at the empty screen in front of me. and i walk back to my bed and wrap myself in the blankets. and i close my eyes. but the voices are constanly screaming from one end of my brain to the other. left right and all over. and i tell them to shut up. to go away. but they won't. my lips tremble. my lips are dry and cracking. this is not a dream. this is not a dream.

perhaps it would be good to end it all.
but it's sad knowing i left without achieving anything.
please pass me the box over there.

today : 12pm-3pm i had a dream about radiohead. it was so cool. words cannot express how cool the dream was. it probably was one of the coolest dreams in all of my dream history. whoever who needs to hear it has heard it. yeah. but if you wanna know about it, you can ask and i'll try my best to document it as close as possible.

today : 848-1048am was a nightmare. so glad it's over.

happy ramadhan to those involved.
keep it real, yo.

xox

for three nights in a row, i have been sleeping on the sofa outside my room. i have no idea why i was suddenly drawn to that sofa. it somehow seemed natural. i have not had any dreams until last night.

: strange combination of events. participating in a walk-a-thon. going up huge flights of steps. receiving prizes for something i didn't do. watching silly plays in class. taking too many group photos and me looking silly in all them. chitter chatter via the computer. and looking down from the balcony of a super high rise building. :

finals commence tomorrow.
wish me luck.
thank you.

: could not decide if i wanted to go to blur's concert. they were playing at taman tun park (wtf?!). and i already had tickets. they were only 25$. ringgit might i add. so i'm walking up and down the stairs of my house when this girl calls. i don't know her but apparently i'm good friends with her. and she's this girl from uni. and so she asked if i'm really going or not. and suddenly i'm going to the concert and i had everything with me but the ticket and my camera. next thing i know, i'm at some mall and putting in the laces of two pairs of shoes. both chucks. one white, one black. :

---

it's like...should i choose...
the good journey(white shoes) or the evil trip(black shoes)?
but that's like...two extreme binary oppositions.
what is actually white and what is actually black?
who decides which is which?

i need to get out of here.

this room is so quiet it's making my ears deaf.

: called my mom and wanted to talk about her (miss y's) phonebill. then i was hanging out with this 12 yr old who was supposed to study in england but couldn't really make up her mind. then i was introduced to this korean family who adopted a baby girl. and soon enough it was the girl's birthday. and i bought her a scrabble set. and then i was hanging out with the jackson five. and michael was sad that he didn't get to see snow outside his window. and he kept biting on ice cubes. :

: was walking along the streets in the town. late morning. and the bus stop was a far way off. and when i got there, the bus came but i decided not to board it. then it left and then i ran after the bus. next thing i knew, i was sitting in the bus. (i think). and somebody gave us (my big sister and i) money. 50 singapore dollars. and the notes were really strange. then i was in a hotel. and decided to go to some new diner. in the hotel. and it was called pearlene. i didn't eat anything though. and most of the customers were given free food. or something. and finally, i went back home. and started shouting at everybody. and everybody calmed down. :

upon my routine internet travels, i discovered that pearlene is a band.
http://www.dimmak.com/images/aprilsplash/pearlene.jpg
or maybe not.

i don't know. doesn't matter.

sound : there's this whirring thing at the back of my ears like i've been to a rock concert the nite before and stood near the speakers. i didn't go to rock concert last nite. seriously. in all honesty.

slept from nine thirty to six forty five. that's like...bad. very very sinful of me. i shall attempt nothing of the sort unless i have all the time in the world and no responsibilities. but time should not be wasted...well not *too* much. and yes i remember now. : the car makes a left turn. up the hill. we see the school. the playground. the waterfront. park in front of the waterfront. get out of the car. hang out at the playground. the end. : not very interesting, yeah? yeah that's what i thought too.

---

listened to the locust remixes cd (why i suddenly listened to this, i do not know. and now it is on repeat mode.), radiohead - kid a cd, dj shadow - enthroducing cd and i thought i might just listen to fatboyslim just for kicks. and what cd was inside it? rainer fuckin' maria - 'past worn searching'. i fucking hate that album! and what's freakier is, i already have a copy of that cd. what the hell? this is just so wrong. argh!

and i dreamt about mirrors again. but not looking into them. but just looking at the frames and they were really ugly frames. and i dreamt that i twisted my left ankle and when i woke up my right ankle was aching very badly. and i also dreamt that i had a sip of beer and i spitted it out because it was awful and i kept rinsing my mouth and brushing my teeth over. and over again. ewww...

---

you wanna know what? i was combing my hair this morning and i saw my shadow dancing. like, no kidding. in broad daylight.
i was sooo spooked out.

and i received a postcard too. yay!

sounds: the surface of eceon, fischerspooner, bright calm blue 7" (the song 'april'. haven't heard this in forever!)

: was made to go to a huge auditorium where prayers were conducted on stage and it was a multi-religious one. and the seats were really weird and the lights were dim and everybody looked like zombies. :

and on the previous night
: there were trays and trays of food being served to me. and i watched on like an arrogant king without the slightest interest at all. :

music equals blue ontario and 7% solution.

: shoes. again. but better than the last one. this time, i received a pair of brand new pink converse. and with pink laces. they were really nice. :



---

on other things, i went to see kreidler on wednesday night.
they were really good. if they're in a town near you, go see them.

watched frida on dvd this morning.
very beautiful film. in all aspects.
if you're into dali, then this should not be missed.

soundtrack of the past few days consists of melody club, the new sick lipstick, hint hint and the prom.

for the past week, my dreams have been cut and paste of mismatched fragments of collage and paper mache. pieces from various jigsaw puzzles. empty film. blank paper. the pen has no ink. and on monday night, it was about shoes. i do not like dreams about shoes. they are no good. except for the one i had about chocolate shoes. yeah, the dream about chocolate shoes was really good.

i am on holidays now.
not that it makes a difference.

my life is like that other dream i had last year about me going to an art school in a prison. go figure.

today i have listened to:
1. clikatat ikatowi 'live august 1995' cd
2. the festival of dead deer 'many faces of mental illness' lp.
and no, neither of these bands mentioned are "screamo".
get your fuckin' genres right.