the mix tape machine is back in action. although for now, format is currently on cd as not only is my turntable unwell but so is my recording tape deck. le sigh. it’s been a long time since i’ve done this. here’s the first one i made. a very typical nadia-esque mix and for those who have received cds from me should be familiar with most of the stuff on here.



wanna play?



01. beastie boys – futurama theme

02. bs2000 – better better

03. the vapors – turning japanese

04. the rondelles – he’s outta sight

05. the advantage – goonies, warehouse

06. xbxrx – go ape

07. the spotlight syndicate – ash memory

08. erase errata – tongue tied

09. deerhoof – dog on the sidewalk

10. the vss – lunar weight

11. arab on radar – rubber robot

12. the festival of dead deer – monotones

13. electrelane – gabriel

14. i am spoonbender – where do words go

15. the cache – air

16. man or astroman? – television man

17. moving units – x and y

18. new order – round and round

19. skanfrom – electronique supermarket

20. fischerspooner – the 15th

21. manitoba – crayon

22. solex – the cutter

23. mc solaar – qui seme le vent recolte le tempo

24. the sick lipstick – she’s got a broken femur

25. grifters – just passing out



so you want one? send me an email or sign the guestbook. it would be neat if you could do me one too. drown my eardrums please.

for we fix our eyes on what is seen than what is unseen...



it was like a revelation. i am bursting with furious joy and bewilderment. emitting all forms of energy and sparkles and shines. discarding old skin. shredding all of them off. it is never too late. my vision has not been blinded just yet. : it was a sign when i saw myself crossing to the laundromat in the dim light. cloudy it was and a storm was stirring but determined to remove the stains. and i walked on. and destination was found. : there may have been too many scars but they have been sutured. yes, they may still hurt from time to time and yes, cockroach-crawling back could seem just like an option. but not "the" option.



...but what is seen is ephemeral and what is unseen is eternal.



the song : grifters - just passing out

my heart is burning like a marshmallow



twist. turn. slit. slither.

"your room is so..."

what?

"relaxing."

"it's like in the asylum."

i know.



ticking faster than ever. twice the speed than yesterday. this is not happening. this is for real. arrange. derange. file. order. shelf. order. the pen forever mightier than the sword. no i shall not blame technology for my semi-paralysis. no i shall not blame anyone. not anywhats anywhens anyhows anywhys. shiver shudder stammer stutter. reverse. rewind.



"why are you shivering?"

i'm not.

"yes you are. look at your fingers.

*cue for protagonist to scowl*

"stop talking to yourself!"



remind me what it is i like about you.

there is a difference between pretending and adapting. and no matter how you perceive it and/or what your preconceptions are, the underlying factor is, you do not understand *it as an absolute.


*it - a variable. it can also be a constant depending on the equation but it is not an irreversible action.

the apple of no one's eye is "ill" and it is not even funny anymore. static kills. corrupt. decay. rot. i lost even more weight without having to skip meals, without turning vegan and without the consumption of illegal substances (not that i have done any, by the way.) *curses!*

---

: so there was this gypsy and she showed me her chest and from the right breast sprouted 3 nipples like they were mushrooms. :

uhm yeah.

celebrate celebrate.

: back to the old house. it was in shambles and about to collapse. oh messy life. and i was at the old institution and i saw the witch and i ran away. through the science faculty. back alleys. and i passed by the mortuary. and there were these death beds. and at the sideboards were carvings of the domes of mosques. but the beds were empty. and the security guard was busy watching television and he didn't see me walk by. at the main road and into a taxi. and he brought me to the radio station. and apparently he was some celebrity dj in disguise of a taxi driver. he gave me a pink bag too. that was nice. amidst all the absurdity. :

night of the 7th at the old house
: had a fang on the right hand side and it kept growing and hurting my tongue and i broke it off with a finger so that all my teeth would be aligned. :

night of the 8th at the new house
: was on a merry go round in a huge toy store with mother. she kept asking me to take a photo of her but it just could not work out. :

---

trip 09.06.04 23:00hrs the blue room istana perdana
--->
it's been a while and from the way things are turning out at the moment, it could be a daily habit. and i don't really care anymore. there are too many shadows and the floor is colder. i wish i had a shovel.
<--- music is only played to prove my existence to them.

p.s. i moved. contact me for my the new mailing address if you are interested.

: was on the set for grease 4. john travolta aged 40 and the era is mid eighties and the entire set was barbie doll pink. it's fuckin gross i tell you. :

chapter reads a new page...

eternal gratitude to all who called, who sent me text messages on the mobile phone, who sent packages via snail mail - via email, who terrorised the guestbook and through the various online communities. your thoughts are much appreciated and i could never thank you enough. bless you all.

xxx