: scavenger hunt of some sort. and polaroid photos of secondary family. :



sleep versus scrabble.

heil mathematics.

their ideologies + my philosophy + apathy = war.

war + apathy = no money.

no money + n(apathy) = sarcasm.

sarcasm + resentment + apathy = bitterness.

total: refugee.

* where apathy is a constant in all equations.

* where n is a varialble in all equations.



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warning :

loading data...

79%...

results: insufficient memory.

system shut down.

i like dreaming about having conversations with lulu the cat. but not waking up to her sniffing my face. nor her singing to the door to be let out.


and apparently, she's more avid of the innernet than me! check her out on catster!



i hate polyphonic ringing tones.

sleeping to sonic youth's 'nyc ghosts and flowers' induced the following:

: end of the world type situation where most places have been destroyed, demolished...and people were running around like barbarians. i was separated from mother and found myself at a dwarf's house (thanks to tjp who kept talking about dwarves and garden gnomes before slumber!) . in exchange for free accommodation, i had to do the household chores. she made the tiniest biscuits and blue donuts ever. change the scene and i was in a forest with people from a previous school. can't remember if there were ewoks or not. maybe not. :

today's breakfast: milk tea and aesop rock. \m/

sleeping to mum(the icelandic band) induced the following:



: (1) nightmares of le fahker. (2) radiohead tribute bands. particular song i woke up to was lewis (from the my iron lung cdep). (3) mother's mother receiving a camera specially for underwater purposes complete with sound effects. "sound designs from konica". no prizes for guessing what colour the camera is. (4) standing in a library and watching a girl snitch enid blyton books into her coat pocket. :



this week's harvest = sweet potatoes.

yes, please come over and let's have a roast while sipping apple juice and listening to folk. not.

in un-chronological order.


: the library. was somehow sneaked into a university library (in melbourne, australia) and i was brought to look at a particular person's transactions. she had the funniest books in her list and it was interesting to look at her personal data. *for some reason, this does not feel like a dream but more like an astral projection experience.* while i was about to sneak out, i nearly walked into the librarian on duty so i had to crawl on the floor and whilst doing so, the floor suddenly turned to ice and there were people underneath the floor begging me to drag them out. :


: the temple. went to a strange hindu temple with younger sister and rainbow cat. two separate entrances. (for hindus and non-hindus) and it was more like an old colonial house than a temple but the steps were in spirals and it was almost like a labyrinth. a female priest sat on a throne-like chair at the topmost level of steps and we kneeled down to have a clearer look at her. she chanted at first before breaking into some form of screaming. we then left the temple via the hindu entrance and walked along an old railway station. saw lots of tourists who wore tshirts with jawi prints. :


:tick tock. was given 4 sets of watches. and behind the casing of each watch was a pair of cream-coloured shoes. they were all rather nice but 2 sizes too big for me. wanted to return them but if i did, i had to return the watches as well. :

: (a) took pictures of autumn leaves floating in the air whilst good friends danced in the background. (b) had to go through a muddly swamp to a weird hut where i had to choose several jobs and i opted for the domestic position. the ruler of the "country" was noddy and he was permanently asleep in the weird hut but apparently he knew what was going on. (c) met up wth a good friend and we had to get lipstick and mother was there too but the makeup purchase didn't happen. (d) at a mall and there were shoes on sale. saw a pair of black flats that fitted me perfectly and they were going at RM$19. (e) same mall but suddenly in a book fair but i was looking at soundtracks instead and bumped into a high school classmate. (f) supposedly at home and about to collapse into bed when father barged in and wanted to get hold of my diary but i didn't let him so all was well.

---

perhaps today will mark a difference.
and in a week, maybe, my life would rotate 360 or even 720 degrees.

walls of the blue room have been drained with music from 2001.

very rough period for those in the clown industry.

the make up. the masks.

the layers of costumes.

gestures. smiles.

the motherfuckin’ smiles.

level of paranoia increasing at an alarming rate by the second. least affected and most affected at the same time. in parallels. a conflict?
not at all.
nonchalance hails.
believe in me.
like i believe in you.
cesoir. cesoir.

: royal blue crystal at the end of a pin needle. pin needle is then injected through the two front teeth. crystal then dispersed into a million other crystals on the tongue and the feeling is euphoric. and the entire body is shaken. cold sweat. cold turkey. :



: - black and white photographs.

- demand for new apparel and footwear.

and an anarcho punk doctor. :