trippin' with le pikuchoo on the 29th. it was simple, gentle and amazingly hilarious. go figure. we had a great time and we will have more great times.

my dreams have been nonsensical and i am not bothered to document them.

2005 = fucked up in more ways than one.

thank you: family, miss electronic contact + family, collective family (especially the zillectivers) and everyone else who made it possible. not forgetting my anonymous audience who continue to click, you are greatly appreciated.

you say party! *i*/we say die!

paranoid dreams.

please go away.

yes.

listen to black sabbath. (ozzy era.)

:  got a haircut. it was a drastic snip and there were two hairdressers attending to me. :

the trend now is to call me when i'm sleeping and disrupt my dreams. but they have been by members of the family so i'm letting them off.

last last nite

: the landlord wanted new fixtures for the kitchen and i was sent off to buy some wood-coloured spray paint. there was a new tenant and she was gonna live in the bathroom. landlord then adopted a black and white spotted bunny and she insisted i carry him/her/it and suddenly him/her/it's face turned into puss. that was just weird. :

last nite

:family went to some cherokee themed restaurant but the food wasnt that impressive but apparently they were much cheaper than those in the 'normal' cafes outside. spoke to the owners of the restaurant who practiced taxidermy. stuffed rabbits and puppies mostly. their other dogs (who were alive) then displayed some fancy tricks with ping pong balls and they could bounce those balls amazingly with their paws and produce more. (ok that just sounds dodgy.)

more dreams but was awakened by a phonecall.

been listening to old emo.

: dreams of new jobs. dreams of school. and dreams of trains. :



listen to goatsnake.

: was given 5 lps of the locust by mr pearson. they were just in sleeves without covers. 2 green 2 red and 1 clear. along with them were 2 3" cds. one of the cds had textures like frosted glass and the other was transparent. :

fuck record dreams.

music as of late has been a plethora of "intelligent"hip-hop, artpunk and '99 indiemo. and apart from that, things are sailing fine. not too smooth but not too much turbulence either. no complaints from moi.

dreams of freaks and limbless creatures. a marriage in the fields and a house on a hill. white stonwashed walls and broken steps and three couples, one of whom i am very familiar with. ran away i did. hopefully, never to return.

a very interesting star shone tonight.

or perhaps it was a satellite.

big fuckers are watching me.

: paranoia and uncertainty. unnecessary people who, in my world, must be erased and eliminated. record browsing from the new missing link. nothing great but old big-hair-rock-action stuff. :

must. stay. calm.

and. positive.

the weather these days have been very kind.

listen to immortal technique.

the same dreams.
the same paranoid dreams.
same shit different story.
every time each time.
:and i don't wanna move to hong kong.:
give me a new sandman now. five minutes now!



listen to killout trash.

dreams about work.
work work and work.
these dreams are killing me and i want them to be over.
now.

it is a good day today.

live it while you can before you can turn back no longer.

: went to some school that specialized in the creative sciences. and there were strange inventions and flying bicycles like the ones you see in E.T. huge steep staircases with colourful slides when you wanted to descend. awesome. :
: bought 1.10$'s worth of candy and received 10$ in change. (right) went to a 2nd hand bookshop with miss y. and there were many issues of sandman, some graphic novels and there was one where the books were made out of papyrus. had to fight for it with a 'wawa' and miss y said perhaps we could share it. one person will have it for one week and the next week return it to the other owner. and i said 'no. it will never happen'.:

been listening to XtheXswarmX.

they used to help me score for my maths exams.

the dreams have been bad.
the dreams have been haunting.
this calls for sedation.

refresh. refresh. refresh.

: the kids ran away from home. nobody could find them even though they were in close proximity. one day it rained heavily and there was no electricity and the youngest wanted to return but the older siblings said no. not until a few days later they decided that they should go back no matter how difficult things can be. and their mother embraced them with open arms. but of course. :

: i had a scythe. and it was fun. :

music from 1999.

stills feels good.

in un-chronological order.

: (I)purchashed coldplay tickets. 42 buckeroos each and i got loads of free tshirts. all white with black ink designs. before the concert, i thought of wearing one of the tshirts i got. however, they were far too big and long for me so i decided to auction them on ebay. other incidents of pre and post concert but nothing of the show itself. hrm. :

: (II)went to some dj workshop and they were playing i am spoonbender and kid 606 remixes. and i asked the dj on duty if i could have 2 copies of the cd. and he said he would give them to me for free and his name was bis. it's an acronym for something in slither. obviously, i forgot what the 'b' stood for and it doesn't really matter anyway. :

: (III)family reunion and it was nice having everyone around. i was supposed to attend some graduation party of sorts and mother kept asking me to find something new to wear. i couldn't really be bothered with the party but was more so interested in playing with the lulu the cat. apparently i had a pet turtle too and it was super huge. (fact: i did have a pet turtle once named nada but it fit the size of my palm. not as huge as the one in this dream.) :

many more dreams of some designer who held art classes in his own house but nothing too much about it that i could remember. oh well.

listen to loquat and pink floyd.

finally broke out of the pattern.

do you notice it?

it's really easy. scroll down, scroll up.

you'll see it right away.

i wish i could invest some memory for myself like how i do with my computer. wouldn't that be great? or perhaps not. documentation you'd think would be relevant at the time and then it gets stored unnecessarily and there's no delete button either. and it's not like i'll "run" any faster with more memory and oh! speaking of memory. why is it so much easier to remember things when you don't want to? (no, no i am not speaking of the uncanny...) but more like sitting in an exam and wishing i could write "here are the lyrics to moth eaten deer head but i can't write the code for drawing a circle using java."

and talk about circle. they're playing sunny day real estate on the creation records radio channel i'm currently logged on. sdre's 'diary' is undeniably good but the experiences and events linked to it are just far too heart wrenching. suckass.

reading about geeks is lame in a cool way.
reading about geeks and relating to them is cool in a lame way.

wtf am i talking about?

lol l337 "< / 3" !!!

i've been dreaming about my students. (yay! i'm finally getting to the point!)
some of them did horribly in their maths revision and i'm not even teaching maths. well not officially, anyway. and there are some dreams that spells paranoia with a capital P but no, i won't talk about them. yes i know. i can be such a tease. "here is a bag full of candy. it's chewy and tastes like caramel but you can't have any."

must. end. here.
starting to sound like a livejournal entry sans slutty portrait pictures with the flash on/where i went for coffee today/oh look cutesy wutesy pictures of clouds.

must.end.here.for.rillaz.
listen to a.p.o.f.
a.r! (acronyms.rock!)
hahahahah!

: moving house. strange teachers and students. weird visitors. 13 scratch lines on my left shoulder and 2 on me tum tum. :

recurring dreams of secondary school classmates and some other people who i don't intend to store in my memory. one by one they appear to fit a non-existent jigsaw puzzle. it's sickening and it sucks big time.



music this morning has been the radio dept. 'this past week'.

: part I. the parental units insisted i tied the knot a.s.a.p. and i wasn't freaked out by the idea but more so of their insistence and the pressure they were imposing on me. part II. kid sister had a doppelganger and that was sorta scary. part III. met a pair of identical twins who dressed up in smurf suits and the only way to differentiate them was by their eyebrows. :

moss icon is good breakfast music.

my new lodging is semi-weird. but really i'm not complaining. everything is fine with me for the mean time. close to loved ones are all that matters.

some dreams involved embrejonsi on heelies. and i think i dreamt about my parents last nite but really i can't remember it too well. not surprising if it did happen (the dream about parents) because they are constantly on my mind and i miss my family all the time.

i caught the flu bug. it sucks and i wish i could be at the beach tomorrow instead of shouting at little monsters in pinafores. oh well...

listen to luna sea. they be good!

from the 13th floor.

in a room in singapore.

: I. of the late aunty diana. i was teaching a class and and a lady passed by and it was supposed to be a relative but it was her instead. and she was wearing a white tshirt and a white flowy skirt and she looked really solemn. it was sorta scary.
II. of h.o trying to get new bedsheets and there was suspicion in the air of another woman. :

really hope the latter would be true.

that would give me some thrill. not that i am not having lately. commuting to and fro everyday gives me a lot of thrills. the majority of singaporeans are weird and crazy.

and "me likes it!"

oh yeah. i moved out last nite.

email me if you want my new mailing addy.

xox

i love this.
and it's sold out at the shop downstairs.
idiots.

---

to all my friends in england, i hope you are ok.
my warm and sincere sympathies and hope the horror will end soon.

xox

counter 8, #03-42
holland village singapore.

dreams about houses.

last week

: i was meant to share a flat with dm. it didn't even look like a flat. more like a studio apartment and we had to share a room. i had the left side of the room and when i suggested a wardrobe she said no. the place was filthy and i had to clean the place up cos i had no intentions of going out and she had to work. the bathroom was weird but really grimy. later in the evening when she returned, she showed me photographs of various people and it was kinda freaky. :


this week
1. : my family helped me move into a new house. where everything was totally white and everything was super nice. until i stepped into a closet where it acted like a time machine and i was going back to 1806 when the house was made from oak. :

2. : found myself in an old run down house at back alley and the walls were full of terrapins. live terrapins. and i tried to get rid of them and they disappeared somehow. next scene i was waiting to get married but when i realized the groom wasn't supposed to be who i thought it would be, i ran away. i was brought into hiding in a strange building and embrejonsi was there as well. then i was in a minibus with 4 australian kids who were singing congress songs. i told them to sing lifetime instead but they didn't want to. next scene i was reunited with my family in an unfamiliar mall where they had lots of shops selling arabic ornaments and such. :

last nite
: me and thejealouspunk were eating pancakes with ice cream on top but they looked kinda tiny so we decided to have mash potatoes with corn. there was this new drink called 'big red' and we checked it out. only to discover it tasted just like cherry coke. bah! humbug. :

missing the family like crazy and wishing things would fall back into its right place soon enough.

my jigsaw puzzle has too many crooked ends...

greysweater is six years old today.
yay.

: there was a new train line from clarke quay in singapore and it travelled at lightning speed through strange abandoned buildings and i could see the concrete rails and it was like being on a rollercoaster fuelled with e. :

: always handy to have a red crayon on me so i could give my mailing address to strangers on cafe walls. right. and i was living on placebo st. in san francisco too. double right. :

there's a monkey outside my window.

believe it or not.

yesterday, for the first time, i slept in a cinema. it was a "beautiful" experience. the movie was 'one missed call - 2.' apparently, 'one missed call - 1' never came out. or was never screened here. i don't know. i can't be bothered to find out really. but anyway, i dreamt of ghosts and some other stuff and when i woke up, everyone was screaming. haha. awesome.

guess who received a light saber yesterday?

guess who received a pair of brand new headphones?

yours sincerely, of course.
life can be good. sometimes.


listen to dystopia.

: sat in a bus where it was more like a minivan and the bus driver's name was grey and he tried to make small talk with the passengers but i pretended not to hear him so i listened to my mp3 player and it was blur's song 2. other incidents but i can't be bothered to remember them. :

my footsteps show me no future.

so i will continue to plainly exist and if anyone needs me, tough luck then.

listen to silverchair 'asylum'

my constant craving to be at a beach may have led to the following dream:

: at some form of summer camp but no beaches. only swimming pools. and i didn't know how to swim. whilst walking around one day, a fat frog lifted me up and attempted to throw me into the deep end of the pool and i  was pulled back down again. my camera didn't work for some reason and the flash was broken so therefore no pictures. also acquired two pairs of shoes. a brown pair, and a white pair with printed roses on them. they were both quite nice. :

received my first birthday card a couple of days ago! woo hoo! unbirthdays are sooo fun!

listen to clouddead.

: went to skoob books which didn't look like skoob and the owner was on holiday. but the owner was raj and raj doesn't own skoob. (i think he's in charge of silverfish?) anyways, there wasn't anything i was particularly interested in and the postcards on sale were crap. suddenly, the entrance turned into a supermarket and i was with mother and mother told me to get a huge jar of tomato paste. later on, i saw myself with a major breakout on my face and it was horrible. :

thankfully it was just a dream.
i am alright and look alright. almost.

listen to hot hot heat.

(when they had the old vocalist who couldn't sing.)

: hung out at a christian cemetery. and there was a wedding at the same time. it was my cousin's. but only her mom and brother were present. no sign of the groom nor her dad. and they were taking pictures at that cemetery and when i managed to get a top view, i noticed all the graves were arranged in a heart shape. and blood spewed everywhere everytime a body was buried. :

that's just fuckin' crazy.

listen to: rem

: (i) went to some family's house at somerset hill (?!) and their pet chihuaha kept tagging after me wherever i went. (ii) had a haircut and i was stuck with an old school uniform from the 80s. :

fickle fickle fickle you are.

listen to buck 65.

on the night of may 08 2005

: me and mother in a room and it's circling. circling around us. and mother's brother was on the floor or in the floor and it's constantly constantly...circling. and...pow! i caught it with my bare hands. and stepped on it. and squished it really hard. bees can be good. bees can also be bad. :

on the night of may 06 2005

(a) walking with mother along the beach. everything was calm. everything was serene. like it used to. like how i liked it.

(b) received a light saber but it came in a form of a square tinker toy. and there were 3 keys and with any combination upon hitting them, the tune would be that of the opening theme of the movie that made the original light saber popular. yes indeed.


sometimes. i don't want to remember.
but playback wasn't invented without a reason.

and the jitters....the jitters are still there.
ya know?

listen : fischerspooner 'cloud'

: photographs in old classrooms. :

unnecessary nostalgia.

music has been: man or astroman?, telefon tel aviv and tommy page.

p.s. kepada para muslimin dan muslimat, selamat menyambut maulidun nabi. wassalam.

: shopping adventures resulted in a package consisting first press e.t tshirt (size : youth large), an e.t. mug and a video of some 80s b-grade movie with guest appearances by julie doirion. (wtf?) the store i got said package also had loads of 1950s postcards with feminist themes but i wasn't interested, naturally. :



listen to the beastie boys.

from onester:

"i had a dream.
it's a deja vu dream.
about a series of things happenings and key characters...
it's hilariously put.
but it's about the end of days.
and it's put on a timeline along the pathway like the ones at ang mo kio
this time round...more people involved.
and good side has quirky characters helping...but it seems we're winning.

weird.

and when i snapped out of it...my heart was beating damn hard."

---

two nights ago,

when i could actually sleep at night,

the world decided to shiver. again.

yeah....

great things happen when you're least aware, huh?


listen to ja rule.

my dreams as of late have been turbulent roller coaster rides that i choose not to remember them. sure, those fragments might be lingering around...but by tomorrow i'm sure they'll be gone. they better be.

currently listening to: june of 44 - anahata cd.

there have been dreams about babies. baby boys in particular. and baby mikah made me really happy and sad. sad because he was just an illusion painted at the back of my mind. possible to achieve but it will be a very difficult journey with many rickety bridges to balance and cross over.

and then i was pregnant. and dm rubbed my tummy like she knew. it was amazing. the touch of a semi stranger. or frenger as the "cool" kids would say it. and they would understand what i mean by that.

how long does it take for anyone to learn how to walk? without stilts. without support. without anyone to hold your hand and say yeah you can do it. everyone is talking about time. how long? how fast? when?

realise with real eyes.

music would naturally be tortoise. le poseur?

non. saw them 7 years ago and it's superstitious to not listen to a band/artiste 24 hours before they perform or something bad will happen. i don't believe it yet somehow i don't practice it. ho hum.

thanks a lot

dear mr insomnia,


thank you for the impromptu visit. you're looking great and it's amazing how you never seem to age a single bit. what is your secret? i would love to know and would appreciate you telling me. the lights are much brighter and it's nice to hear more than one voice this time. the old voice was getting boring and he's always talking about the same stuff like he was a warped record or something. focus has not reduced but stretched into tangents. i like that and i look like hell. my spine is still shivering and my fingers are still trembling. perhaps you could fix that and make it worse? yes? that would be awesome. anticipating tonight's date.



love hugs kisses and depleted solutions,

nadia. xox.

: black cat #13 collaborated wtih xbxrx for a 6:46min track and it was awesome. the video was in pink and white vertical stripes and the kids were just outlined in black markers. fucking rule. : if only i could remember how the track went. damn me for making up music in my head again.

: was made to draw a chinese opera mask and i got it right but i had trouble drawing it in 3-d form. managed to get help from sister and she showed me a technique akin to paper tooling or whatever. green mask painted red. :

: stuck at the gas station waiting for change and i ended up with ice cream cones and whipped cream. so nice.:



amazing what happens in five hours.

the bc#13/etc dream was a sign.

spastic love for jfk and company. raar.

:of shoes and kitchens and dress alterations.:

:sonic youth in the soundtrack as i stepped out of the house. a haunted wooden house by the edge of the cliff.:

i wish it would rain.

listen to catpower.

: was at some zine and art fair and saetia was there giving out free band posters and stickers and flyers. and i managed to get a poster for myself. at the rest of the fair, i was stuck with a korean girl who was fashion crazy and into german gourmet food. :

: later on i ended up in an australian international school and one of the kids asked me if i had watched the movie about the singaporean girl who made a movie of herself having sex with more than 200 guys or something. i said no i didn't see it because i was broke at the time. :

other nights saw me dreaming of shoes and haircuts.

listen to plaid.

: supermarkets and photographs. :

switching back and forth.

to and fro.

listen to deerhoof.

gryswtr at blogspot dot com is three years old today. thank you to those who have been reading faithfully.you are greatly appreciated.



xox

: had to sit for a few exams. chemistry, economics, mathematics. : why do i suddenly have dreams about exams when i'm not even in school anymore? oh yeah, a metaphorical reference perhaps. to be constantly tested in life blah blah blah.

: was asked to write a column for an arty magazine. i chose to write on books and decided that my all time favourite was salinger's 'catcher in the rye.' : although really, it would have to be silverstein's 'the giving tree' followed by exupery's 'a little prince'. 'catcher..' would have to be a close third sitting on the same shelf as murakami's 'hard boiled wonderland and the end of the world.' i better stop talking about books now. i could go on forever.


the fig was also trying to invade last night's dream but i know it'll never happen. (piss of...biatch...)uhm what else? oh yeah. accompanied this dude back to a german concentration camp and there were these rocket-like buildings. and if you placed a coin in the machine slots and if it gave the right combination of numbers (like pokies), the walls of these "rockets" would pry open and you could see what the prisoners were up to.


the other day i dreamt of humongous fuji apples we had at home. and there was one time i dreamt i went on holiday with embrejonsi and another fat girl whom i can't recognize. we were in east malaysia heading towards thailand. embrejonsi got the flight tickets for thailand but the beach was out of bounds due to past tsunami incidents so embrejonsi suggested we get *stuff* instead.


listen to polar. they are good.

oh quadplex.

how i love thee.

fives, sixes, triple word.

bingo.

: standing by the shore and mother told me to get away. i continued standing there as the waves came crashing until someone pushed me away. : : was at a gothic party and i saw the tallest girl ever. she almost reached the ceiling. :



mirah is singing in my head.

: hung out with my best friend from primary 5. we were in the trains and the route looked different. felt like i've been through it before...in another dream. apparently i lived in the east side of singapore. eunos or pasir ris? anyways, i was downstairs and i met some kids. one of them was in a westlife tribute band and after singing, he threw ghost money (?) in the air and sparks came out from the papers. :



i should rearrange my vinyl records.

: shoes. it's been a while since it's been about shoes. i was a store and i was contemplating over different sneakers. mostly red and black. and they were all priced above 300$. thejealouspunk was interested in a pair of reebok tennis shoes but it didn't look like reeboks and they looked a bit used. white with blue laces. i didn't get any in the end. neither did she. :

: witnessed the murder of father and younger sister. their hands were slashed and they were stabbed in the chest. not very graphic really but i woke up panting like crazy. :

: something about the nightmare before christmas merchandise. interesting set of watches. one with the face in a coffin. :

time. direction.
resurrection.