: never had vertigo but over here i did. for the first time when i entered that steely walled glass elevator. from floor 7 to 20 and back to 7 again. i was meant to teach a bunch of high school students. but they weren't there and i was relieved. and i had that elevator phobia like the girl in 'dance dance dance' by murakami. before or after, i met some kids who i had known before and we were meant to go record shopping but things kept coming in between. dingy chinese coffeeshops, strange indonesian teenagers, rain and blood on the pavement. we never got to the place intended. :

strange bitter aftertaste on this tongue.
too much medication says the literate labrat.

sound : love like electrocution mp3

: (went to sleep at 10pm) instantly it was dark. and i was at home. waiting for the car. dad arrived. but not just yet. lulu the cat was outside. which is strange. cos she never goes outside. another tulip had bloomed. once everything was in place, i began my journey. a constant series of mind fuckery. at the hospital. by the balcony. in college. we were then connected by the house. the code word was 'college one-oh-one'. we were served boiled spinach. i was asked if i wanted a beer but i said no. it was a human size game of risk and monopoly but nobody was playing us. we were the players. i then discovered we were part of an experiment by french/german sociologists. i was given a choice. to stop or carry on. i chose to stop. :

i woke up.

: 1. a phonecall from mr jason slack and i went to hang out with him at the railway tracks. back to the institution's study area and i was stuck with kids from the math and engineering faculty. 2. found myself in a japanese supermarket with father. everyone looked zombi-esque and they couldn't accept credit cards due to some technological failure but at least i got my beverages. :

media text and audiences is a bullshit subject.
what on earth am i slaving for?

sound : the hives 'veni vidi vicious' cd

: of monochrome trains and a baby boy that in some ways resembled myself. physically. day one delivered, day two talked and rolled, day three he could stand up and make tea. scary. sent my grandmother off to a concert and she went via a super old school mercedes benz that looked liked a new york cabby. and while she was still on the street, i saw three of the aussie kids from class contemplating over trainers. scene shifts back to my room and a girl was showing off her 'chap-teh' skills. then i coerced some kid to listen to ethel meserve. :

p.s. chap-teh is an old school game played by asian kids.

sound : 'sweden rocks' comp cd-r courtesy of david ranman

: riding in a hot air balloon with a blonde rocky/sly stallone-esque type. suddenly he decided to bungee jump in the middle of nowhere and that wasn't very cool at all. studied some cult from an asylum and watched them perform rituals in the ocean. :

sound : sonic youth 'washing machine' cd

: recurring moments of black buildings and running around in circles and people from the institution. same faces same dialogues. too much paranoia. (dream master, i demand you give them back to me!!!) at some point, i was asking someone to make the distinction between nick cave and nick drake. and i still don't get it besides the kylie minogue reference. oh well. also, i was searching for hitchcok films but like in our so called reality, they weren't/aren't there when you need them. :

sound : wondering how nick drake sounds like

: went to the raddest comic shop on earth. and the boss (who is a young lady, mind you. not some fat whacked middle aged bozo with a ponytail and bad stubble.) reserved me a supercool spiderman book. was tempted to buy the itchy&scratchy clock and sme futurist comics. a girl i hate from school was working there as well so i had to be nice to her. argh. then i went to scavenge for food. and sat on a bench. and there was this vending like machine that if you risked your life, you could win 1000$. this is how it worked: you place a dollar in the slot and go into the machine. first you'll be drowned with water. then dried up with some gas. and finally punched and kicked for about half an hour or so. the last person i saw in the machine was a man in a business suit and he had a hole in his forehead. more dreams came after or before...one was about some kid with fake teeth. :

sound : i,robot...i,robot...i,robot...

: armageddon again. being chased by waters. and for one i had to sell watches in a modern-traditional chinese temple and someone wanted me to marry him but i managed to break free and only him was dangling by the helicopter. (how james bond-esque. sheesh.) then i was in argentina, or somewhere exotic like that. and once again it was about being swallowed up by the waters but nobody else was bothered about it but myself. america was in an anarchist state. and the trains were about to fall off the rails any moment. the food was disgusting. and finally i was sent to brisbane to check out tv / popular culture programs in their universities. :

sound : some form of suffering

: we had to run away from someone. i do not know who. but there was this man in black person wherever we went. (not the will smith one, the old school m.i.b.) and so from one alley to another dodging him. i passed an asylum that was in disguise of a motel. the lady beckoned me to come in. they were giving a free screening on pathological liars but i declined. she looked weird. and so was her nurse outfit. supposed to meet older sister at the reading room at 10am. i was punctual but the reading room was shut so i had to go into the adjacent shop which sold 1000$ satin pyjamas. and finally sister arrived at half ten, and we went back to her apartment. it was empty. nothing but concrete flooring. people kept buzzing the bell and they were all false alarms. when we thought everything was alright, the blonde lady made her presence and she floated through the door. and there was a baby with her. and she recited theories on post structuralism and the future generation of the world and while she was doing so, a horde of flames came towards the baby...and her..... :

and the alarm clock rang at its loudest.

: did not want to be associated with the crowd. we were atop the mountain. and i managed to get into the bus without them. and into the train. and when i reached the destination, it was back to square one. :

i don't wanna go to school tomorrow.
i hate people.

sound : tristeza 'spine and sensory' cd

: walked into tower records and they were selling takeshi kitano films for cheap. walked out of tower records and the news is takeshi had passed away and suddenly, prices of his films jacked up. as well as for haruki murakami books. :

*sore.throat.*

: shifting drastically between hospitals and that room in melbourne. he corcerced me into partaking sexual activities with him. i tried but it didn't work out. i said my flight was in the morning but it really was in the arvo and i had to hide my tickets. midgets with syringes running in the carpark. wandering around toystores and purchased alice in wonderland by lewis carroll on classic old school hardcover. colour : maroon. and the cat refused to speak.

sound : antartica '81:03' 2xcd

: : to a dingy hotel. supposedly 5 mins away from home. went to the video store in search of 'fight club' dvd. they only had multiple copies of van damme films. went downstairs. strange eerie looking turkish family. a pair of middle aged twins who were fathers and had curly blonde hair and wearing black eyeliner. both were carrying little girls similar to them and i took one of them into my arms and waited in the carpark. restaurant scene. waitress kept messing up the orders. i opted for maggot the faggot or faggot the maggot with cheese pizza. and an australian girl for the 'atrium' pizza. hers had bacon mine vegetarian. when the pizza finally came, it looked like japanese spaghetti. dolls dolls and more dolls. : :

the sleeping pill party will commence soon.
in order to join, please state your name, age,
type of medication and dosage.

sound : antarctica '23:03' cdep

: of christian fundamentalists.
and the most amazing french fries/chips ever. :

* so in order to obtain free movie tickets you have to partake in the christian fellowship? that's a bit lame, yo. *

sound : jettie/postman 7"

: japanese restaurants. trying to avoid politics class. followed little sister to go skating. the venue was infested with people playing a strange version of ping pong. the balls were red and you had to flip it from your egg tray to the opponent's egg tray. i think it was a tournament. run to the back of the room where the restrooms were super posh and fancy and had black walls with old school hollywood film posters. past the restroooms and to a little record store. where the staff were goths and they only had madonna vinyl and there were more envelopes on sale than records. deja vu. avoid politics class. went to a chinese lady's house where she had all sorts of pets. fish, cats, birds, dogs...like a freakin' zoo and back to the japanese scene. a banner they held - "strawberry picking for 3.99$". avoid the doctors. avoid the treatement. avoid avoid. :

you do not know how much i hate hospitals.
you do not know how much this existence is worth.

sound : land of the loops.
oops song has finished. time for black cat #13.

: was supposed to find a tailor. the taxi dropped us off at this weird ungerground markets. they were selling caged cats. and they look pretty depressed. white cats fully dressed as pets. scary. ended up buying chocolate eggs for my six sparrows. (no i do not own any sparrows. dead or alive.) visited a penpal who was living in australia. i think it was in darwin. and we had to cross the ocean and there were these villages under the bridge. i don't know...it was all very screwed up. then i met another kid somewhere and we were gonna hang out but it didn't happen. :


sound : weezer -'keep fishin' (i think it sounds very much like greenday)

: met her just as i was about to leave and she told me to wait. then brought me up to this lighthouse. and we went up the neverending spiral staircase. and the view of the city from up above was totally amazing. she's moving in with her boyfriend to greenfields. gosh knows if greenfields ever exist. a metaphor? maybe. hanging out with mother's mother was also cool. :

sound: abjure

: carnival. belgian holidays. drunk kids. swinging back and forth. yeah....something like that. :

i have a japanese flag.
all girls do.

sound: mixtape i made for jim.
(man alive i so don't wanna part with it.)