in unchronological order:

: was asked to play synths for elise and the gig was held in a strange club that looked like a mini warehouse. only plastiqueusa and another kid was in elise and there were no synyths at all so i hid behind a computer. there were strange monochrome boxes on the monitor and i made these weird wall-of-sound noises by clicking on the boxes and tapping the spacebar on the keyboard. elise played 3 songs and the set lasted for 10 mins. midway, dad came in and said not to play for the band but i said it's nothing and he said ok and left. :

: my sisters set up a small store in their house selling japanese stationery. they were really expensive but they had the coolest notebooks and gadgets and whatchamacallits.:

the other nite:

: i saw blood and i had 3 bottles of d. with me. it was weird. because i don't really do d. and coincidentally, i did see blood the next day. :

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too much fatigue.

listen to smashing pumpkins.

gryswtr's Existing Situation
The situation is difficult and she is trying to persist in her objectives against resistance. Finds it necessary to conceal her intentions as an added precaution, in order to disarm the opposition.


gryswtr's Stress Sources
The existing situation is disagreeable. Feels lonely and uncertain as she has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and wants to stand out from the rank and file. This sense of isolation magnifies the need into a compelling urge, all the more upsetting to her self-sufficiency because of the restraint she normally imposes on herself. Since she wants to demonstrate the unique quality of her own character, she tries to suppress this need for others and affects an attitude of unconcerned self-reliance to conceal her fear of inadequacy, treating those who criticize her behavior with contempt. However, beneath this assumption of indifference she really longs for the approval and esteem of others.


gryswtr's Restrained Characteristics
Becomes distressed when her needs or desires are misunderstood and feels that she has no one to turn to or rely on. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense.


gryswtr's Desired Objective
Urgently in need of rest, relaxation, peace, and affectionate understanding. Feels she has been treated with a lack of consideration and is upset and agitated as a result. Regards her situation as intolerable as long as her requirements are not complied with.


gryswtr's Actual Problem
Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem.


gryswtr's Actual Problem #2
Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of her hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety. She is trying to escape from this into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, protecting her from dissatisfaction and lack of appreciation.



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gryswtr likes being analyzed by a computer.

so fun.



listen to the carpenters.

11february2006approx.1800hrs

at the above mentioned date and time, i lost almost all sense of hope and desire.

still, i managed to feint a smile.

and perhaps, continue to do so.



all i am now is a piece of frayed fabric.

wisfully thinking i can cloth this soul.

which isn't there anymore.



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for those in the know...

why wasn't 03december2003 granted?

gryswtratblogspotdotcom is 4 years old today.

happy birthday! and many many more to come. (by the grace of God)

past month, i've had dreams of collapsing buildings, fire bending towards me and my family, crossing bridges and once i saw the formation of a rainbow. i thought that was beautiful.

been listening to wolfparade.