attention appetition

look at you

basking in your self-made glory 

riding on another's back 

guised in such grandeur 

so resplendent

so magnifique 

indeed, this is what you deserve 

or what you think you deserve 

from your magnified deception 

champion of champions

you win hands down 

as there was never a competition in the first place

except 

only in your head. 

dark side dilemmas

this challenge 

this struggle 

it still lurks and lingers

silently residing

and then surfaces 

overshadowing

overwhelming

overpowering

deafening deafening 

with its version of propagation 

crushing 

this constant-mending 

exhausting, it is so 

to be denied 

to be patronized

to swallow this supposed positive 

courtesy 

only to be condemned 

irrational. 

sly salutations

so maybe you've been here. 

or maybe this is your first visit. 

through mutual channels

and connections. 

so how do you do? 

and how do you do again. 

feel free to wonder

and wander to your heart's content. 

 

--- 

still, you will never get the idea 

nor the picture 

and decipher.

for this is just a show. 

like any other. 

like you. 

a celebration of nothing (the good punk)

here's to me.

for still being me. 

for still using all senses for me.

for still reading

still listening

still breathing as me. 

here's to me.

and my array of 

imaginary awards and medals

self decorations

abundance nominations.

here's to me.

for still kickin' it. 

for still livin' it.

because

there is no be(cause).

and there is nothing to applaud for. 

and you can have them all. 

//thank you subcultures

of subcultures 

for the constant reminders.//

mysterious mythical. a miracle.

so exactly six months ago,

our lives leveled up.

we were presented with a miracle.
a miracle we once thought of as a myth.
maybe it would. maybe it wouldn't.
fifty fifty.
left to fate. left to faith. 

and of course, when you least expect it.
it is presented to you.

you were presented to us.

we embraced you gracefully/lovingly.
without question. without any doubts.

and so six months later.

here i am. (here we are).

battling on. charging on.

day by day. moment by moment.

we are still in awe of you.

we will always be in awe of you.

and should you ever read this.
you were the only one, 

who knew/knows exactly how i felt,

without me having to say / express a single word.

hearts and arrows, son. 

fifteen shades of

gray. grey. gry. 

your choice of one, 

or all of the above. 

fight or flight. 

voluminous voices. 

they violate. voraciously. 

like spawns of devils. 

vouching to carry on. 

carry on. carry on. 

and so i shall. 

forbidden fruit forever. 

--- 

twenty fifteen. 

here we go. 

sawadee.../kunkaaa...

dear krabi, thailand. thank you for looking after us. for the wonderful food and lovely beaches and awesome adventures. we will grace your shores again one day. hopefully. much love from i + n. 190314-230314.